- Signed: Matthew Hartman
- Filed under relationships .
Hey everyone,
I realize it's been quite a while since I last wrote anything here... It's been for good reason, though, I can honestly say. It's simply because I've been keeping myself busy lately. Work hasn't been too bad recently, but Lu and I have been spending a lot of time together over the past couple of weeks. We went camping last weekend (even though we nearly hit the freezing mark that night!) and have seen each other pretty much every other day for the last week.
It's been a very depressing day for me, though... And I guess the only reason I'm on here writing now is to try to find some solace right now. Even though I tried to put a light, happy twist on the time that Lu and I have spent over the last week in the last two sentences of the previous paragraph - it seems that our relationship will not last to see another day. It's been incredibly hard to swallow the realization that the relationship over.
I guess it all started with a text message from Lu early this morning. She wanted me to check my e-mail when I had a chance. The cell phone woke me up with the text message alert - and of course, when I got her message I immediately checked my e-mail. It was very hard to get through, but the gist is that her parents are very worried about how the language barrier could affect the relationship between themselves and me... and that apparently, she's not quite ready for a serious relationship. I got a sinking feeling in the pit of stomache as I read the e-mail and I, as of yet, haven't been able to get rid of this feeling. First of all, I didn't want to end things in an e-mail, so I called her about an hour later in attempt to talk, but I got her voice mail. While I was online checking some football scores, she logged into MSN and we decided to get together tomorrow to talk about things... The more I thought about it, though, the more concerned I got and I knew if I had shown up for work tomorrow with this on my mind, that I'd be incredibly preoccupied with "us" and wouldn't stay focused on my work. Granted, it's an office shift, but still... I gave her a phone call about a half-hour later and got her voice mail again. I left a message for her about getting together tonight to talk things over - and probably sounded like a long, lost sap...
I was actually in the process of writing this entry when she eventually called me back. I wasn't anticipating her call, since it had been quite a while. But, I just got back from seeing her. It was the hardest thing I've been through in a long time. If anyone knows me at all, they know I'm a pretty sensitive guy. In true fashion, I broke down, just trying to say "hi" to her... Plus, it's always hard to start a conversation, when the first thing you say to someone is, "I've felt like crap all day..." In hindsite, I don't think we really talked about much... but I did tell her that all I want is her to be happy and that I never intended her to change anything just for me. Apparently, she has and she feels that she needs to get back to who she really is and to dedicate more of her time to school. Which is good enough reason. I can't argue with that. I asked her about her day, but that didn't seem to help lighten the mood any. We both are taking this hard and even though I still feel partly responsible for all of this happening, she wants to fault herself. Even though deep in my gut I want to feel upset about her wanting to split up, I don't want to fault her. There are a few things I would go back and do differently, if I had the opportunity. And I fault myself for probably letting the relationship evolve much too quickly. I'm not typically the type of person to jump right into a relationship, but with Lu... things did progress fairly quickly. We got along great right away and I just wanted to be around her all the time. I see now that I should have let things evolve more naturally. I didn't.
So anyway, here I am now, in front of my computer letting loose... pouring out my feelings on my keyboard on how much I'm going to miss Lu. She was someone that opened my eyes, made me happy, made me feel like getting up in the morning, and was someone that proved to me that I could still fall madly in love with a woman again. I've had such a hard time meeting women up here and I honestly thought that with Lu I wouldn't have to worry about feeling alone anymore. Even though we've agreed to remain friends and "hang-out" every once in a while, I'm still going to miss her. A lot. Even in the short time that we knew each other, we had some great times together. It was fun getting to know her and her friends... and it was fun going to Winnipeg with her, going camping with her, going on a picnic with her (we did that last week, as well) and taking numerous walks just talking and holding hands.
I'll miss everything about you, Lu... I meant everything I ever said...
Goodnight... :_(
I realize it's been quite a while since I last wrote anything here... It's been for good reason, though, I can honestly say. It's simply because I've been keeping myself busy lately. Work hasn't been too bad recently, but Lu and I have been spending a lot of time together over the past couple of weeks. We went camping last weekend (even though we nearly hit the freezing mark that night!) and have seen each other pretty much every other day for the last week.
It's been a very depressing day for me, though... And I guess the only reason I'm on here writing now is to try to find some solace right now. Even though I tried to put a light, happy twist on the time that Lu and I have spent over the last week in the last two sentences of the previous paragraph - it seems that our relationship will not last to see another day. It's been incredibly hard to swallow the realization that the relationship over.
I guess it all started with a text message from Lu early this morning. She wanted me to check my e-mail when I had a chance. The cell phone woke me up with the text message alert - and of course, when I got her message I immediately checked my e-mail. It was very hard to get through, but the gist is that her parents are very worried about how the language barrier could affect the relationship between themselves and me... and that apparently, she's not quite ready for a serious relationship. I got a sinking feeling in the pit of stomache as I read the e-mail and I, as of yet, haven't been able to get rid of this feeling. First of all, I didn't want to end things in an e-mail, so I called her about an hour later in attempt to talk, but I got her voice mail. While I was online checking some football scores, she logged into MSN and we decided to get together tomorrow to talk about things... The more I thought about it, though, the more concerned I got and I knew if I had shown up for work tomorrow with this on my mind, that I'd be incredibly preoccupied with "us" and wouldn't stay focused on my work. Granted, it's an office shift, but still... I gave her a phone call about a half-hour later and got her voice mail again. I left a message for her about getting together tonight to talk things over - and probably sounded like a long, lost sap...
I was actually in the process of writing this entry when she eventually called me back. I wasn't anticipating her call, since it had been quite a while. But, I just got back from seeing her. It was the hardest thing I've been through in a long time. If anyone knows me at all, they know I'm a pretty sensitive guy. In true fashion, I broke down, just trying to say "hi" to her... Plus, it's always hard to start a conversation, when the first thing you say to someone is, "I've felt like crap all day..." In hindsite, I don't think we really talked about much... but I did tell her that all I want is her to be happy and that I never intended her to change anything just for me. Apparently, she has and she feels that she needs to get back to who she really is and to dedicate more of her time to school. Which is good enough reason. I can't argue with that. I asked her about her day, but that didn't seem to help lighten the mood any. We both are taking this hard and even though I still feel partly responsible for all of this happening, she wants to fault herself. Even though deep in my gut I want to feel upset about her wanting to split up, I don't want to fault her. There are a few things I would go back and do differently, if I had the opportunity. And I fault myself for probably letting the relationship evolve much too quickly. I'm not typically the type of person to jump right into a relationship, but with Lu... things did progress fairly quickly. We got along great right away and I just wanted to be around her all the time. I see now that I should have let things evolve more naturally. I didn't.
So anyway, here I am now, in front of my computer letting loose... pouring out my feelings on my keyboard on how much I'm going to miss Lu. She was someone that opened my eyes, made me happy, made me feel like getting up in the morning, and was someone that proved to me that I could still fall madly in love with a woman again. I've had such a hard time meeting women up here and I honestly thought that with Lu I wouldn't have to worry about feeling alone anymore. Even though we've agreed to remain friends and "hang-out" every once in a while, I'm still going to miss her. A lot. Even in the short time that we knew each other, we had some great times together. It was fun getting to know her and her friends... and it was fun going to Winnipeg with her, going camping with her, going on a picnic with her (we did that last week, as well) and taking numerous walks just talking and holding hands.
I'll miss everything about you, Lu... I meant everything I ever said...
Goodnight... :_(
This entry was posted on Sunday, September 17, 2006 and is filed under relationships . Monitor this post through the RSS 2.0 feed. You may leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.
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