- Signed: Matthew Hartman
- Filed under relationships .
Hey everyone...
It's Saturday and I'm just now getting around for dinner and things. I figured I would jump on here and do some writing, since I have a couple things on my mind. Well, okay, I only have one thing on my mind...
Is it bad that I'm still pining over Lu? Is it bad that I still have feelings for her and that I can't get rid of these feelings? I'm giving her the space she wanted and I've tried like hell not to call her every stinking day. You have no idea how hard it is for me to get through an entire day without, at least, talking to her. I've wanted to call her almost every night, but I've been resilient and haven't.
I'm just confused at how I'm adjusting... and why I can't get her off my mind. We went out for the first time "as friends," Thursday night. I thought it would be incredibly uncomfortable, but it really wasn't. We went to "Japan Night" at the Cultural Center on campus. It was really interesting to learn more about the Japanese culture and the food they offered was fantastic! One of the Japanese students was writing down people's names in the Japanese language and in Chinese calligraphy, so I had her write mine. It was really interesting to watch her write it out. I scanned it yesterday (Friday) so I have it shown to the right... Apparently, the first (top-large) character means "magic" and the second (bottom-large) means "smart..." I found that humorous. The smaller characters to the right are the actual Japanese characters composing my name.
Anyhow, the night went well... and it was wonderful to see Lu, again.
I still miss her. I've felt a little down all week. A little depressed and overall, just not feeling all that well. Probably because I haven't slept well all week and haven't really ate all that much, either. I guess one good way to lose a few extra pounds is to go through a dramatic break-up. It seems to be working on me, anyway.
Well, my dinner is about ready, so I should hop off here. I'm sitting here chatting with Lu, right now, anyway. Maybe we can find a time that we can get together to talk more about this... I'm hoping we can - soon.
Take care everyone... and have a goodnight.
- Matt
This entry was posted on Saturday, September 23, 2006 and is filed under relationships . Monitor this post through the RSS 2.0 feed. You may leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.
3 Comments
WeatherGal
September 24, 2006 at 10:25 AM
Hey Matt,
Here's an idea... instead of pining away, try channeling that energy into learning Chinese. There are different dialects... do you know which one? Mandarin is common. Anyway, learn how to say something like "you are beautiful" in her language.
Other than that, maybe getting together once a week is more her style. The calling every day thing puts a lot of pressure on her to say yes. If she really likes you, she doesn't want to say no and if she's a student, she may NEED to say no. At this point, I'd venture to guess she does want to spend time with you, but at her pace.
In the meantime, start studying Chinese! :D
Matthew Hartman
September 25, 2006 at 7:40 PM
Ironic you say that, Julie... I've actually started studying already. I found a few web-sites just the other night that are pretty good at teaching the chinese syllables and how to write some of the basic characters. Maybe I can surprise her! ;)
Matthew Hartman
October 16, 2006 at 4:25 PM
Hey Dave, sorry it's been a while since I responded... But to answer your question, yes, my ex-girlfriend does read the blog. In fact, I sent her the link to it after I posted the entry previous to this one. Yeah, the one I poured out my heart on. In a lot of ways I seem to express myself better through the written word than in person, so I wanted her to know how I was really feeling. She appreciated it and it made me feel a lot better about things...
It probably is a little strange to read about all these subtle issues I have in my personal life. But, after years and years of "free writing" the blog has become my new way of getting things off my chest and on top of that, it gives some of my friends perspective on what's going on in my life. And for people that don't know me all that well, it's a great way for them to get to know who I really am.
Hopefully, you don't mind the "self-servings..." Because, they'll likely continue! :)
Take care!