No, they are certainly not. Much worse than I ever thought possible, if you can imagine that.

The past 3 days of my life have been some of the hardest I've ever had to go through. I don't ever want to deal with a life being cut so short the rest of my life. I have cried more in these past 5-6 days than in the last 4-5 years of my life, combined...

Seeing my cousin and his wife go through such a horrible time has been very difficult. And even though the past two nights I've put on a brave face, hung out with them at their home, trying to make jokes, have fun, it isn't at all how I'm feeling deep down. I try to be strong for them. I know I have to. I want them to feel some normalcy in their lives right now. It's a hard thing to do, but with having some close friends and family to surround them with, it's made things a little easier. For all of us. We play with the kids, especially Zoey, who really doesn't understand what all is going on, other than "sissy went up into the clouds." She really doesn't know exactly what that means, but I'm sure, in some way, she wonders where she is. We've helped out cleaning the house for Brian and Amy, we've provided them all sorts of food to live off of for another two weeks probably (hah!). And we have tried with all our might to shower them with all the love and support we can afford.

I've been trying my hardest to keep from thinking about things and all I can do, it seems, is to listen to music. It helps ease the pain some.

Just tonight, though, I drilled through some of the newer songs I put on the mp3 player and came across the following lyrics in a portion of "Don't Tell Me." It's one of the newer songs that Mayday, a small band from Ohio, released to the MySpace community not so long ago. While the song itself is about getting over a recent break-up, some of these lyrics reflect very much how I've felt this past week and I'm sure how Brian and Amy have felt at times...

And you say it's time to move on
And stand up tall
To walk it out, get even, crawl
'Cause the more you love, the more you fall
Then I hear you, but I'm tired of all the good advice
It doesn't help...
It just gathers dust up on my shelf
This is hearthache that you've never had
So, you can try to wish me well

But, don't tell me that time is a healer
'Cause I know I still lie every time that I see her
And I can't get away from the smile
It isn't fair...
That I don't get to be
The one to put it there

In the context of what my family and myself have been going through, the first-person pertains to Brian and Amy, myself, and the immediate family that have been affected the most, while the second/third-person pertains to those that try to mean well by saying, "be strong, time is a healer..." We appreciate the comments and we know all of you really want to help, when the reality we have to face is that this is pain we need to deal with day-to-day and isn't something we can solve quickly. We appreciate the love and support, but all we need is those closest to us, to be there for quidance. I certainly want to thank all of you that have sent thoughts, wishes, and prayers through E-mail, over Facebook, and in person. It's been overwhelming and just proves how many people can be touched by only a 14 month old girl.

I'm glad Justin sent me the videos he took of Myah on his phone. It's only a glimpse of all those times I missed knowing her. It tears at my heart, but I'm so glad I have those videos now. What a beautiful little girl. I never knew it, but her favorite word was "WOW!" When you think about that for just a second, that is such a great way to look at the world, isn't it? To be in such amazement, the only thing you can say is "WOW!" Maybe I'll try to live my life a little bit more like that in the future. Myah, you've not only reminded me what's most important in my life, you have inspired me. And I only met you once.

I'll see you again, someday, beautiful.